


The Inherant Chaotic Energy of Trap and BJ Finally Combines

by DarthAbby



Series: Trouble Comes in Threes [1]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Gen, Party Aftermath, Underwear, au where Trapper doesn't go home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthAbby/pseuds/DarthAbby
Summary: With Potter away in Seoul, Acting Commander Frank Burns is no match for the combined chaoticness of Hawkeye, Trapper, and BJ.This is the morning after.
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, B. J. Hunnicutt & "Trapper" John McIntyre, B. J. Hunnicutt & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Series: Trouble Comes in Threes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657756
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	The Inherant Chaotic Energy of Trap and BJ Finally Combines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheLittlePlaidMaid77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittlePlaidMaid77/gifts), [horaetio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/horaetio/gifts), [Hawkeye_918](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkeye_918/gifts).



> Much love and thanks to the delightful people in the M*A*S*H 4077th Discord server and a very amusing conversation last night that I just couldn't resist fleshing out into a oneshot!

"Whose bra is that?" BJ asked, squinting up at the flagpole. Three pairs of regulation army boxers were waving merrily in the breeze, beneath a black brassier that was flapping proudly from the top of the pole.

"Klinger's," Trapper answered with a grin. "The underwire is starting to pop out so he said we could borrow it."

"Appropriate," BJ nodded. "Where'd Hawk end up?"

"I saw Margaret dragging him into the showers a while ago," Trapper shrugged. "She went to her tent after shoving him inside, so he's probably still there."

"Should we check on him?"

"Trapper, BJ!"

"Father," BJ greeted, turning to face Mulcahy. "You seem awfully chipper this morning."

"It's my job to make sure morale stays up," Mulcahy said. His tone was serious but there was a twinkle in his eye. "You boys certainly aided me in that yesterday."

"So we're forgiven for the excessive drinking, swearing, and general ruckus?"

"I'll consider that a confession," Mulcahy said, unsuccessfully trying to hide a smile. "You are forgiven, my sons."

"Thank you, Father," Trapper grinned. "Hey, have you seen Frank around?"

"Well, not since… was it midnight when you broke the record for most number of nurses on one army cot?"

"Eh, 11:30-ish."

"Then it was around 10:30 that I last saw him," Mulcahy nodded thoughtfully. "He was hunkered down in the back of one of the Jeeps."

"Thanks, Father!" BJ waved as he and Trapper set off for the motor pool. "What are the odds Frank knows how to hotwire a Jeep?"

"The man can't tie his boots up without a rulebook," Trapper snorted. "I think the better question is, what are the odds he either found or threatened someone into giving him a set of keys?"

"Depends on if he had his pistol."

"Nah, you threw that into the latrine, remember? After the blind surgeon race."

"That's right," BJ laughed delightedly. "I forgot about that. It was my first place trophy."

"Only because you tripped me!"

"We were literally blindfolded, it wasn't on _purpose."_

"You -"

"Morning, sirs!"

"Hi, Radar."

"Morning, Radar." BJ and Trapper exchanged grins as they watched Radar stumble over to them. He was missing a boot and his jacket was lopsided from buttoning it wrong. "You have a good time yesterday?"

"I think so," he said, catching sight of the flagpole and turning to squint at it. "I don't really remember, to be honest. Is that a bra?"

"Sure is. Klinger's bra." BJ clapped him on the back. "Why don't you hit the showers, Radar?"

"Make sure Hawkeye doesn't drown while you're in there," Trapper added, pointing him in the right direction.

"He hasn't drowned, sir. The water isn't even on yet."

"How does he do that?" BJ asked as they watched Radar limp across the camp.

"Ours is not to question why. Ours is to find Ferret-Face." 

They both chuckled and continued on their way to the motor pool. 

"So, when did Klinger give you the bra, anyways?"

"When did you donate your boxers to the cause?"

BJ thought about it. "Around 2 AM, I believe. I threw a pair at Hawkeye and then took Radar back to his cot to sleep it off." He paused. "Why did I throw my last clean pair of boxers at Hawkeye?"

"I think it was because he made a joke about you and blowjobs and you told him to suck on your underwear. I may be paraphrasing."

"No, that sounds about right. What happened after I left?"

Trapper shrugged. "He threw your boxers and they landed on the clothesline. I think I saluted them first? I don't remember the details, but we ended up pulling out a couple of our own and decided to run 'em all up the flagpole. We needed safety pins, though, so we went looking for Klinger and he said he would only give us safety pins if we would fly his old bra above all of our shorts. Who would turn down a deal like that?"

"Who indeed," BJ laughed. "That explains why I didn't see you both when I got back to the Swamp."

"You didn't sleep in the Swamp, you slept in the mess tent."

"And _that_ explains why I woke up with a fork digging into my leg," BJ nodded thoughtfully. "But you were there, too."

"Yeah, looking for you. Hawk and I saluted the under garments and then he stumbled back to the Swamp and passed out on your bed."

"Why _my_ bed?"

Trapper shrugged. "I was in his."

"Why were you in _his_ bed?"

"Because Margaret was in mine."

"Why was -"

"Because you put Radar to bed in _her_ tent."

"I _did?"_

"That's what she said at least." He grinned. "And she took _my_ bed because, when Margaret is drunk, she can't keep her hands off me."

BJ scoffed and Trapper bumped his shoulder. "It's true! Ask Hawkeye - this isn't the first time we've seen her roaring drunk." He puffed out his chest proudly. _"And_ she cuddled up to me completely sober once, when we got trapped in Supply together during a shelling." 

"I'll believe it when I see it." BJ shook his head. "C'mon, we should look for Frank."

"Try yelling hello," Trapper suggested. "He hates that."

"Yelling?"

"People being nice to him. Sets off his paranoia."

BJ laughed again and cupped his hands around his mouth, looking out over the motor pool. "Good morning, Frank!"

"...wouldn't you like to know."

"Got 'im," Trapper said with a bright grin. He set off confidently through the mess of vehicles and spare parts, BJ at his heels. They stopped in front of a bus with a flat tire.

"Frank, we know you're in there," Trapper called.

"We're not going to hurt you," BJ added. "The party's over, Frank, it's safe to come out."

"A likely story!"

Trapper rolled his eyes and shoved the door open. "Frank, c'mon. Potter'll be back soon. What's he going to think if he has to come find you in a broken down bus behind the latrine?"

"Me? _Me?"_ Frank's head popped up from behind one of the seats as he laughed shrilly. "I was the only person in the whole camp that wasn't involved in your - your _debauchery_ yesterday! You don't have a single shred of moral high ground here, _Captain."_

"Yeah, but I got a good three inches on ya."

"So do I," BJ added. "That's six inches between the both of us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Frank demanded.

BJ and Trapper shared a mischievous smile, and stepped fully onto the bus.

"Hey - _hey!_ This is - you can't - I am your _superior officer!"_

* * *

The Jeep rounded the corner and Sherm caught sight of the compound. He smiled - as much as he missed Mildred and home, it was still nice to be back at the 4077th.

The smile slipped a little as the Jeep bounced closer and he could see that whatever was on the flagpole, it was _not_ the American flag.

The camp was a mess, clear evidence of a wild party everywhere. The Jeep came to a stop and Sherm watched with a stony expression as McIntyre and Hunnicutt rounded the corner, frogmarching Burns over to him. The Captains snapped salutes to him, though Hunnicutt had to use the wrong hand to do so.

"Welcome back, Colonel," he greeted.

"Your Major, Colonel," McIntyre added, jiggling Burns' arm a bit.

"Colonel, they -!"

"Save it, Major," Sherm said sternly, getting out of the Jeep. "Where's Pierce?"

"Showers, sir," Hunnicutt reported.

"And Radar?"

"Also the showers, making sure Hawkeye doesn't drown."

"Major Houlihan?"

"Sleeping, sir."

"Hopefully," McIntyre said drily.

Sherm nodded and cast an eye over the rest of the camp. "Next time you boys want to throw a party…"

Hunnicutt and McIntyre glanced at each other, a flicker of worry finally breaking through their bravado.

He let them squirm for a moment before continuing. _"Don't_ do it when I'm stuck in meetings in Seoul." A smile broke across his face, and theirs lit up in response.

"Yes, sir!" They saluted him again. Sherm grabbed his bag out of the Jeep and started for his office, then paused and turned back to them.

"Captain McIntyre."

"Sir?"

"Get your boxers off that flagpole, and give Klinger his bra back."

Behind him, he heard Hunnicutt dissolve into helpless laughter as McIntyre sputtered in confusion.


End file.
